One of those days.
One of those days that can only be classified as a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
I woke this morning to find Asher drenched in puke, which was exactly what I was hoping to discover first thing (is your sarcasm meter turned on?). It took forever to get him cleaned up and fed. My laundry load doubled. The sun disappeared behind the clouds and refused to come out. While trying to mind my own business in the waiting room at therapy (read: nose buried in book) someone else insisted on asking me questions about Asher, all of which had depressing answers. I didn't get to eat dinner before Bible study so ended up having to buy an overpriced turkey club at Borders instead of the gooey tasty treat I would have preferred - and it was cold despite being heated up.
It sucked.
The real problem with that is not that it sucked for me, but that I'm a crappy parent when I'm pissed off. I have next to no patience, and things that I take in stride on a good day threaten to push me past my breaking point. Asher obviously sensed that things were awry, because he cried and cried for most of the day (with a few respites in between) despite my trying to keep him entertained. He didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to play in his roundabout, he didn't want to play with Elmo... all he wanted was to be held, which - and this is just being honest, as much as I hate it - was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to drink my tea and be left alone. Unfortunately, that's not really an option of motherhood. So I resentfully sat there and held him when really I just wanted to get away.
Thus concludes my application for Worst Parent of the Year.
I'm sorry that your day was yucky, Cayla. If it helps at all, you are not the worst parent... you've not qualified for that at all, ever - you love your son, and that is obvious to anyone who cares to open their eyes.
ReplyDeleteI think any CFC parent, or any special needs parent actually, knows what it's like to be there. There's no happy-fuzzy way to put it, some days suck. But you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling that way. I see it more as calling a spade, a spade. I think you're handling it the right way. Don't white wash things! Be honest about how you feel and speak to others about it honestly too. It helps when you get things off your shoulders so you can continue to being the great parent you know you are.
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